Lone Thoughts on Spider-Man Brand New Day

Yearning for a life that doesn't exist anymore

Sound familiar?

This is something I discussed in my last blog post...and here I am discussing it again.

First of all, I'd like to make it known to anyone who's reading this that I have been a fan of Spider-Man for a while. Matter of fact, it was Tom Holland's Spider-Man that got me hooked onto the MCU back in 2017. But I never fully understood what it was about the arachnid that captivated me so much until 'No Way Home' and 'Brand New Day' came out. 

No Way Home

This movie was quintessential to my high school experience back in my home country. When it dropped, I was first in line to see it and I haven't been the same since. The movie came at a time where my life seemed to be going great: new relationship, friends I could talk to, strong family bonds and even a good connection with my church community (more or less). 

I found my life similar to Peter Parker's in that before Mysterio revealed his identity, he too had a new relationship (with MJ), his friendship with Ned was stronger than ever, he planned to go to MIT with his friends and his aunt had a relationship with Happy (sort of). His life was going great up until....you know.

By the end of the movie, his entire life had gone to shit and I remember crying my eyes out over the spell Doctor Strange cast. 

Guess whose life also went to shit after that? 

Yup. Mine. 

My 'boyfriend' pretended like our whole relationship never existed and that we were 'just talking'. My friends weirdly enough were on his side of the whole thing and made me seem like I was delusional. I started questioning my faith and began to loath myself (again). 

Brand New Day

Fast forward a few years and there's a new movie about my favourite superhero. You best believe I was in that cinema decked out in spidey merch. 

When I saw Peter stalking his friends' instagram, I thought to myself  'that's what you did a few weeks ago'. At least he had the luxury of seeing them in person one last time. I also saw myself in him when he tried his hardest to avoid confronting his feelings by burying himself in work; I did that with my exams, my plans for the future and excessively worrying about the state of the world. Oh and doomscrolling. 

And when MJ hit us with 'I don't love you. I don't even know you', that's when something snapped in my brain and I completely broke down crying.  

A few days after seeing the movie (for the second time), I realised that the scene and the movie in general broke me because it felt like a wake up call.  I had/have spent so much of my life yearning for a version of it that doesn't even remember me. 

The versions of me that I love and remember are gone. My past friendships are over. My relationships are finished. I am no longer the girl I was five years ago. 

But that's not a bad thing. 

Like Peter, I am trying to learn how to deal with the fact that I will never get my old life back. I am learning to live in the moment and enjoy the life I have now. I think that is the message behind the film: that though you may not get to live the life you once had, you can start a new life that could be just as special because it's yours. 

It's a Brand New Day, no matter what they say-  CJ Martin (100 Things to do before High School)

Lone Thoughts on Nostaglia

  Nostaglia is a beautiful sickness 

Have you ever woken up and breathed in a sort of stale air?  Did it remind you of the times you spent running around in your backyard blowing bubbles? Maybe it brought back a memory of the awesome water gun fights you had with your siblings or friends. 

That air, that smell that takes you back to a simpler time where you were blissfully unaware and at your happiest is a sickness. 

  At least, it is for me. Sometimes, when I get a whiff of that memory air, I don't want to move for fear of losing that feeling. There's an ache in my chest when it happens; an ache I can only describe as a fervous longing for my past. Another symptom of the sickness is emotional frustration. This is when you get irritated or lash out at everyone around you for seemingly no real reason. 

But you know the reason.

You're upset because of one simple, painfully realistic fact: you can't go back to that time. Ever!

It's a fact I come to realise just as the memory air leaves me. But my knowledge of that reality is irrelevant. I've had a taste of the good life, the old life. I've seen past me with her friends, her favourite tv shows and movies, her favourite books and snacks. I've seen her scrape her knee riding her brand new pink bicycle. I remember when she argued with classmates over the best Disney princesses.

I can't lose her again, I just got her back. 

Then I say to myself,  'I need a fix'. 

What is this miraculous 'fix' you may ask?  A fixation of course!

Immediately after the feeling disappears I try to reignite that burning hole in my heart by binge-watching all my favourite cartoons and movies. My latest fix is rewatching 'Sofia the First' btw. 

Then I try to play all the games I used to love as a kid: online and physical. Then, because it's 2026 (unfortunately) I go on Tiktok and search up '2010s childhood nostaglia' or 'early 2000s tv shows'.

It all feels good in the moment but when the day ends and my head hits the pillow, all I'm left with are memories that keep replaying like they're waiting for me to come back and relive them. And the painful, burning heartache lives and carries on to morning. 

This is why I think nostalgia is a sickness. A beautiful one, but a sickness nonetheless. 

What are your thoughts?

  

Quote of the day:  'the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.' - The  Lion King